| ugh... |
[ | |
Posted on February 09, 2007 @ 5:38 pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 irritated |
] |
ok next time you want to say something about me.
how about you actually take the time to know what the hell you are talking about.
god me ignorant? at least i don't waste my time talking about people i don't know.
grow up and get a life. people are entitled to believe whatever they wish.
just because i may not agree with you does not mean i am ignorant.
next time... think before you speak. k thanks.
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| wow... |
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Posted on January 30, 2007 @ 2:24 pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
its nice to know that i am worth it to you anymore.
i want to believe you're just saying that to make yourself feel better
or so i hope.
today has been a very depressing day.
ehh i wish things were like they used to be.
i wish i could be happy again.
I'm sorry!
i will always love you ♥
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| JESUS CHRiST i'M ALONE AGAiN |
[ | |
Posted on January 24, 2007 @ 11:57 pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
SOMETIMES PEOLE SAY THINGS THEY DON'T NECESSARY MEAN.
OR SAY THINGS THEY WISH THEY COULD DO KNOWING THAT ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GOING BACK TO SIMI ANYMORE.
I KNEW DEEP DOWN I WASN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO IT BUT I SAID IT ANYWAY.
I WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT I COULD JUST FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING.
EVEN IF I WERE TO STAY OUT HERE IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE ME FORGET ANYTHING
IN FACT BEING HERE ONLY MAKES ME THINK ABOUT MY TROUBLES EVEN MORE.
I AM OVERCOME WITH LONELYNESS AND IN MY TIME ALONE I THINK.
THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING. MY EMOTIONS ARE SO CRAZY.
I DONT KNOW WHY I TRIED TO TELL MYSELF THAT.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HERE. NO FRIENDS. NO FAMILY.
I HAVE NO DESIRE TO MAKE FRIENDS HERE EITHER.
I COULD NOT GIVE YOU A REASON WHY I JUST DON'T HAVE THE MOTIVATION.
AT LEAST IN SIMI I HAVE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.
MY FAMILY MIGHT NOT BE THE GREATEST BUT THEY ARE STILL MY FAMILY.
I GET SO HOMESICK AND SO LONELY HERE.
I HAVE TRIED TO STAY. BUT I ALWAYS END UP IN TEARS.
I USED TO CONSIDER MYSELF A HAPPY PERSON UNTIL RECENTLY.
SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
I WOULD BE LIEING TO MYSELF IF I SAID I AM NOT SEVERELY DEPRESSED.
I WISH I COULD MAKE ALL THESE FEELINGS GO AWAY.
I WISH I DIDN'T FEEL SO ALONE.
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| <3 |
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Posted on January 24, 2007 @ 5:25 pm
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i FUCKiNG LOVE SONYA PEREZ!
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| CAN'T BREAK ME DOWN |
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Posted on January 24, 2007 @ 4:37 pm
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| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
"FOR SOME REASON iM FEELiNG....
UTTERLY AMAZiNG.
AND VERY HAPPY.
MY LiFE iS...PRETTY SWELL
AT THE MOMENT.
(MiNOR UPSETS...BUT WHEN YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES
ABOUT THEM, THEY'RE NOT SO
iMPORTANT.) iSNT iT FUNNY HOW
LiFE CAN CHANGE? LiKE WHEN LiGHTENiNG HiTS SAND
AND iT FUSES iNTO GLASS
FOR EXAMPLE....
[[A FACiNATiNG PHENOMENON]]
YOUR WHOLE LiFE CAN CHANGE
iN ONE FLASH.
AND SOMETHiNG ONCE PROCLAiMED AS
'THE BEST'
CAN BE DEMOTED TO AN OVERRATED
MEMORY...SOMETHiNG MEDiOCRE
...A MERE GLiTCH iN TiME.
HOW SOMEONE CAN JUST...BE REPLACED.
EiTHER BY ANOTHER PERSON
OR SPORT OR HOBBY.
HOW PEOPLE CAN PRETEND SO WELL
THAT NOTHiNG MATTERS? RANDOM THOUGHTS.
FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR iNPUT.
NOW OFF TO FiND A BOX.
TO MAiL A PACKAGE.
TO SOMEONE WHO iSN'T EVEN TALKiNG TO ME. .LOVE.LiFE."
I AM GLAD YOU ARE HAPPY MY DEAR. THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED. EVEN IF IT IS WITHOUT ME IN YOUR LIFE I AM TRULY GLAD THAT YOU ARE CONTENT AND DOING WELL. AS FOR MINOR UPSETS. IF IT IS IN THE LEAST BIT STILL IMPORTANT TO YOU I CARE. I HAVE ALWAYS CARED. I NEVER STOPPED AND I NEVER WILL. EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME AND CONSIDER YOU ONE OF THE CLOSEST PEOPLE TO ME. IT IS PRETTY WEIRD HOW FAST THINGS CHANGE BUT JUST BECAUSE THEY CHANGE DOESN'T MEAN MY FEELINGS HAVE. IN MY MIND YOU ARE STILL MY "BEST" THAT WONT CHANGE. I DONT KNOW IF YOU ARE REFERRING THIS TO ME AND WHAT YOU THINK I FEEL BUT I AM TELLING YOU I STILL CARE AND I CHERISH EVERYTHING WE HAD AND EVERY MEMORY WE MADE. IF YOU WROTE THIS REFERRING TO YOUR OWN OPTIONS THEN I AM TRULY SORRY YOU FEEL OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS OVERRATED AND MEDICORE. I DONT HAVE THOSE FEELINGS AT ALL AND I AM SORRY I WASN'T ABLE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. I THINK YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK I FEEL BUT JUST BECAUSE I DONT EXPRESS MY FEELINGS AND CONCERNS OVER MYSPACE JUST ME THAT I AM PRETENDING LIKE NOTHING MATTER. THIS WHOLE THING ACTUALLY MATTERS A LOT TO ME. I AM JUST AT THE POINT WHERE I FEEL LIKE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I CAN DO. I POURED MY HEART OUT TO YOU AND I AM APOLOGIZED TO YOU ON NUMEROUS OCCASSIONS BUT I CAN'T CONTINUE DOING THAT WHEN I GET NO RESPONSE FROM YOU. AND HONESTLY WHEN I DONT GET A RESPONSE OR ANYTHING I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF GIVING ME THE OPTION OF TRYING TO FIX THINGS. YOU HAVE NOT BEEN REPLACED. YOU NEVER CAN BE. I CONSIDERED THE FRIENDSHIP I HAD WITH YOU ONE OF THE TRUEST, VALUE THINGS I HAVE EVER BEEN ABLE TO SHARE WITH ANYONE. THE WAY I FELT ABOUT THE YOU AS A BEST FRIEND AND AS A PERSON CAN NEVER BE REPLACED BY ANY OTHER PERSON, HOBBY, OR ACTIVITY. I SPEND MY TIME WITH VARIOUS NEW ACTIVIES AND NEW PEOPLE BECAUSE I NEED TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF YOU. EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE LOST I AM OVERCOME WITH AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF GRIEF AND DEPRESSION THAT I AM UNABLE TO COPE WITH AT TIMES. I CANT STAND THE PERSONAL ATTACKS AND COMMENTS YOU HAVE MADE ABOUT ME. I AM SORRY IF THAT IS TRULY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THROUGHOUT ALL OF THIS YES I HAVE HAD MY TIMES OF ANGER AND FRUSTRATION BUT I HAVE NEVER CALLED YOU ANY NAMES OR HAVE SPOKEN POORLY OF YOU. I HAVE SHOWN YOU RESPECT THROUGHOUT OUR ENTIRE MISHAPPENING. I DO WANT THINGS TO BE OK BETWEEN US. I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST YOU AND I AM WILLING TO FORGIVE AND APOLOGIZE AGAIN. EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SALVAGE OUR FRIENDSHIP I WOULD STILL LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS GOING TO CARE. I MUST STRESS THIS. I DO CARE! I DO LOVE YOU! I DO MISS YOU! I THINK ABOUT YOU CONSTANTLY. I HOPE YOU NEVER FEEL LIKE I DON'T CARE OR I DONT/DIDN'T LOVE YOU BECAUSE I DID WHOLE HEARTEDLY. YOU STILL MEAN THE WORLD TO ME MY LOVE. EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT NOT BE A MUTUAL FEELING YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BEST FRIEND. I LOVE YOU LAUREN. ♥
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| Its the bitter taste of loosing everything I held so dear... |
[ | |
Posted on February 09, 2005 @ 9:38 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
♥ So I haven't written in so long but I think I am going to again. It might help. I don't know why but for some reason I have felt so depressed lately. I don't think I have any reason to be either. I think I miss the security of knowing that someone cares about me. Also this girl kinda hates me. She always has but she told Mike that I'm a slut and a bunch of dumb shit like that. I mean I try not to let things get to me but it has been so constant lately. People love to try to put me down and for the most part I don't let it get to me but I think today has just been one of those hard to deal with days. Oh well tomorrow will be better. High school soccer ended today. Thank the Lord. No more being at school everyday until 5. I can actually go home right afterschool now. I am so happy about that. It sounds weird but I was getting really sick of high school soccer. I am not sick of soccer, i was just sick of that team. So now i am going to start another team and its going to be really laid back and hopefully some fun. Well I should go. I have a DBQ to write for AP US History tomorrow and I need to do the prep work for it. ♥
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| Shake it like JELLO make the boys say HELLO... |
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Posted on December 21, 2004 @ 9:06 am
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
I haven't wrote in here for a long time. wow. anyways a lot has been happening. i have been hanging out with heather a lot. but i am so happy that it is winter break. i have been staying at my dads house. its been pretty cool because sam has come up surfing and i've gotten to hang out with him. and heather came up and stayed with me one day and we went to the beach and went in the freezing cold water. we didn't even wear wet suits we just went in. it was fun though. we almost froze to death waiting for mike and sam to get out of the water. anyways its been pretty cool lately hanging out with heather and sam and mike. i like them a lot. i have so much fun hanging out with them. Well i am just rambling on about nothing. i am going to go to the mall again today. i went yesterday and i got a lot of stuff that i am going to get for christmas. i can hardly wait. oh and i go to utah on christmas i am so excited about that too. i talked to my cousin and justin last night on the phone. i miss them. i can hardly wait to see them. well i think i am going to end this entry because its really random and stupid.
♥Leeann
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Posted on December 13, 2004 @ 10:09 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
so i have a wonderful AP bio test tomorrow that i am going to fail. i am so excited. not! i have given up on studying for it too. i attempted studying for 2 hours and it just made me really tired. so i decided i am done. the last test i studied forever for i got a 56% on and then the next test after that i didn't study as much and i got a 62%. so i did better when i didn't study as much. well i guess i am going to have to see how this whole not studying method works. hopefully good. lol that would be effing awesome. Well i have pictures from this weekend and school today. i am not exactly sure how to put them on here but i am going to attempt to.
<3Leeann
( pictures )
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| Thank you so much Jess! Your the Best <3 |
[ | |
Posted on December 05, 2004 @ 6:27 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
Friday night was gay. ehh... don't even want to talk about it. then on saturday i woke up at 6 in the effing morning because i had to be at school at 7 am for my soccer games. The first one i only got to play half of the game because i got to the fields at 7:15 and we were supposed to be there at 7. Oh well. Ok so the first game we won 1-0 we should have killed them and won like a million to nothing but for some reason we could not get the ball in the back of the net. we were having that problem the whole day. anyways the second was at 11:45 and i played the whole game. Except i had to play goalie and i never play goalie. but i actually did really good and i saved a PK. wahoo go me. anyways after that i came home and took a shower and took a nap and straightened my hair and got ready to go out. then after that i went with julie and heather to the harmony suites to see The Royal Mile play. They are so good. i got their cd it is so good. i love it. I met a lot of people and i had so much fun it was awesome. It feels so good to be single and to be able to go out and not worry about anything. Then today i woke up at like 1. i was supposed to go to knottsberry farm but it was raining so we didn't go. I am kinda glad we didn't because i got to sleep in. i just won't be able to fall asleep tonight because i have only been up for 6 hours. But i haven't even gotten out of my pajamas yet and i dont think i am going to. lol. today has been a lazy day. I have homework still. i think i have ADD because i started my homework at 2 and it should have only taken me like an hour to do and i am still working on it. oh well. well thanks to jessica my journal looks good. i love it.
♥ Leeann
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| Ta Da! |
[ | |
Posted on December 05, 2004 @ 4:55 pm
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Here's your new layout!! Tell me if you want anything fixed.
♥ Jess
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Posted on November 26, 2004 @ 11:12 am
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
LAST PERSON WHO
. Slept in your bed: ME
. You shared a drink with? DON'T REMEMBER. ITS BEEN A WHILE
. You went to the movies with: JULIE, CASSIE, KIM, NICOLE, FIFI
. You went to the mall with: MY MOM, GRANDMA, AND SISTER
. Yelled at you: DON'T REMEMBER
. Sent you an email: STACY
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO..
. California: YES
. Hawaii: NO
. Mexico: YES
. China: NO
. Canada: NO
HAVE YOU EVER:
. Danced naked: YES
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next
day: YES
. Wish you were the opposite sex: NO
. Had an imaginary friend: NO
. Do you have a crush on someone: YES
. What book are you reading now: SOULCATCHER
WHATS YOUR...
. Worst feeling in the world: BEING LONELY
. Future daughter's name: I DON'T KNOW
. Future son's name: I DON'T KNOW
. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: YEP, MY DOLPHINS!
. What's under your bed: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW
. Favorite sport to watch: BASEBALL
. Siblings: 1 BROTHER AND 1 SISTER
. Location: SIMI
. College plans: HOPEFULLY STANFORD
. Piercings/tattoos: EARS AND BELLY BUTTON
. Do you drink : OCCASIONALLY
. Who is your best friend: RAISHELLE
. What are you most scared of: LOOSING THE ONES I LOVE
. What clothes do you sleep in: PJS!
. Where do you want to get married: EITHER THE BEACH OR I DUNNO SOMEWHERE REALLY PRETTY OUTSIDE
. Who do you really hate: LIARS
. Been in Love: YES
. Do you drive: YES!
. Do you have a job: NO
. Do you like being around people: YES, I HATE BEING ALONE
. Are you for world peace: OF COURSE
. Are you a health freak: I DONT THINK SO BUT SOME SAY I AM
. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: OH YEAH
. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: I DONT THINK SO
. Want someone you don't have right now: YES YES YES YES!!!
. Are you lonely right now: LATELY I AM ALWAYS LONELY.
. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: SARAH MCLACHLIN- STUPID
. Do you want to get married: YES, NOT RIGHT NOW THOUGH
. Do you want kids: SOME DAY
. If you were stranded on a deserted island who would you like to be stuck with and why: RAISHELLE BECAUSE SHE IS MY ONE TRUE FRIEND
.FAVORITE
. New Person: ???
. Room in house: MY ROOM
. Type(s) of music: ANYTHING
. Band/Group(s): SARAH MCLACHLIN
. Color: PINK
. Perfume or cologne: HEAVENLY BY VICTORIA'S SECRET
. Flower: ???
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
. Cried: YES
. Bought something: YES... STARBUCKS!!
. Gotten sick: NO
. Sang: YES
. Met someone: YES
. Missed someone: YES... I'M ALWAYS MISSING SOMEONE
. Hugged someone: YES
. Kissed someone: NO
. Became shy around someone: NO
. Exercised: YES
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[ | |
Posted on November 21, 2004 @ 9:38 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
i'm cold but i'm too lazy to get up and get a blanket. lol. anyways i have an AP Biology test tomorrow that i don't want to take. i mean i studied really hard and i think i know everything but thats what i have said for every test i've taken and failed. wahoo. hopefully this time i will actually pass, so wish me luck. anyways. i can't wait till tuesday, my mom is going to las vegas and i get the house all to myself for 6 effing days! i am so excited. i mean i am not going to have any parties or anything i am just happy because i'll be able to go out and do whatever i want whenever i want and no one can tell me differently. and my parents and my brother and sister get on my nerves a lot so it will be good just to relax and be by myself. i just want school to be done with though. i am really sick of it, i wish i didn't have to go this week. like my sister gets the whole effing week off. what a little brat. grr... i am so jealous. anyways. only 3 days of school this week, it could be worse. and i get to go the mall on tuesday and my mom is leaving, so i'm thinking it will be a good week. anyways. i think i am going to go study more for my stupid test. ehh. i am praying i will do good. i'm scared.
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[ | |
Posted on November 17, 2004 @ 8:04 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
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[ | |
Posted on November 11, 2004 @ 9:55 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy, bored, and kinda tired |
] |
today i went to venice with the lovely ladies, cassie, julie, and cori. it was fun. i had never been there. anyways. i'd kinda bored. i should be studying for my test tomorrow in history but i'm not. oh well. i have a headache anyways. i've had one ever since i got home. i get them from like all the different smells around like insence and stuff like that. i just can't be around it too much. i talked to justin today. i miss him. i can't wait to see him. my utah boyfriend. lol. only 43 days until i go to utah and i get to see my wonderful cousin and him. its going to be so fun. i can hardly wait. well i better be going so i can get some studying done before i go to sleep.
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[ | |
Posted on November 09, 2004 @ 9:38 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
I dunno why but i feel so lonely. its weird not to have someone to care about. or someone to just talk to and to love. i miss that so much. i would never go back to the person i was with but i still want someone, just not that person. i want someone to care about me. because ever since i broke up with my ex its been really hard. i've had to deal with so much drama its ridiculous. and other people have been drug into it. its just stupid. i don't understand why people have to dwell on things. people just need to let things go and move on. I just want all the drama to end.
Time here,
all but means nothing, just shadows that move across the wall
They keep me company, but they don't ask of me
they don't say nothing at all.
And I need just a little more silence
And I need just a little more time
But you send your thieves to me
silently stalking me
Dragging me into your wall
Would you give me no choice in this?
I know you can't resist, trying reopen a sore
Leave me be, I don't want to argue
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for
You see love-- a tight, thorny thread that you spin in a circle of gold
You have me to hold me
a token for all to see
captured to be yours alone
And I need just a little more silence,
and I just need a little more time
The courage to pull away
there will be hell to pay
the deeper you cut to the bone
Leave me be, I don't want to argue
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for
Time here,
all but means nothing,
just shadows that move across the wall
They keep me company,
but they don't ask of me
they don't say nothing at all.
Leave me be, I don't want to argue
I'd just get confused and I'd come all undone
If I agree, well, it's just to appease you
Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for
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[ | |
Posted on November 08, 2004 @ 9:47 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
i love my cousin Stacy. i wish she lived in california. we seriously get along so well and we could talk forever. its nice being about to talk to someone like her. because she lives in utah and if i tell her something i dont want people to know i dont have to worry about her telling anyone because she lives in utah and i dont know anyone out there. but anyways... i'm really retarded. i went to my moms work afterschool and i left my stupid cell phone there. so i have no cell phone for tomorrow. oh well. i'm really forgetful. or just blonde. but on thursday i am going to go hang out with grandma and she is going to teach me how to knit so i can make myself some scarves. i'm so excited. i'm going to make like 50. not really but hey at least i'm be able to make them whenever and to match whatever and i'd be warm. especially when i go to visit my cousin stacy in utah over winter break. because i am going to freeze to death i'll need to have warm clothes. anyways i am kinda rambling on and on about nothing and not making any since so i'll be done.
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[ | |
Posted on November 08, 2004 @ 1:05 pm
| | ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
i'm in 5th period right now with Mariam. wahoo! I'm a peer tutor and she is a TA and we just sit here and talk and go online and sleep. lol its fun. anyways i got a 62% on my AP Biology test... still bad but better than last time. And this girl omg she is so fricken smart she got a 100% on her AP BIOLOGY TEST!!! i can't believe that. i wish i could be that smart. oh well whatever.
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[ | |
Posted on November 07, 2004 @ 9:32 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
ok... thanks to whoever that was who was trying to help me out with my journal. but i dont even know how to post anything on that. i am really stupid when it comes to this. i pretty much someone to do it all for me and then i'll be good. lol. anyways. i spent the whole day today doing homework. i am seriously getting really sick of homework. but at least i got it done. i didnt do my AP biology lab but i am just going to get it from someone tomorrow in first period and do it. because i am lost in that class. i have failed every test even when i studied my ass off and thought i knew what i was talking about. we took a test last week and i think i might have actually passed it but we'll find out tomorrow hopefully. anyways i dont really know what else to say keep me updated on getting my journal done.
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[ | |
Posted on November 06, 2004 @ 10:13 pm
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| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
I'm back... finally. but i still hate the way my journal looks. but oh well. i'm not going to complain. anways. things are so much different now. Spencer and me broke up. it was hard but i think it was for the best. moving on... double chapters suck. i hate doing stupid SQ3R's for AP US history, but i guess its my own fault, considering i signed up for the class. oh well its not hard, just time consuming. about school. i am really getting sick of it. and it kinda scares me because its only nov. and i am already sick and tired of my classes and everything else and i want school to be over. i have been getting so much work and it's seriously exhausting me. i look so forward to the weekends and then when they come its like i don't even get a break because i am doing homework the whole time. all i know is next year i am taking all easy classes. i dont know what the hell i was thinking this year taking 3 AP classes. i mean i am passing all of them and i think with them being AP and everything i might be getting a 4.0 which would be awesome. i haven't had a 4.0 since like 8th grade. lol. anyways. i can't wait till winter break. i am going back to utah and i get to see my cousin and justin. i'm so excited. its going to be so much fun. because there will be snow and i've only been to the snow once so i will have fun... playing in the snow... lol. well i think i am going to go. if anyone who reads this knows how to make journals look cool or knows someone that does please comment and let me know. cuz mine is just... ehh... not looking too good.
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Posted on August 24, 2004 @ 10:30 pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 cranky |
] |
I'M SICK OF MY JOURNAL LOOKING UGLY. I WAN'T SOMEONE TO REDO IT FOR ME. IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO CAN DO IT... LET ME KNOW PLEASE!!! and i'm sick of having a headache every single fucking day.
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roxygurlie830's journal
